It’s one of those dilemmas of motherhood… do I clean my kitchen or write this blog post? The baby has been sufficiently bounced to sleep and I have *maybe* a spare hour. Now, fingers crossed that he sleeps long enough for me to finish this post.
I have literally written this post three or four different ways. (And one of them was even a poem!) I have been trying to capture all the emotions and thoughts that I have about motherhood. But nothing has even come close to depicting the things that I am feeling. So I figured I would simply write. No fancy rhyming or alliterated points. I want to make sure that I get down a few of these thoughts.
Everything looks so different now that I have a baby. From my birth plan to parenting, nothing has gone the way that I thought it would. And it is been a beautiful and humbling experience.
My devotions look different. I used to get up early to spend concentrated time with the Lord. With a six week old, that has pretty much gone out the window. Now I read the Word on my phone while I am nursing and I listen to sermons while I am nursing and I read a book while I am nursing. (I spend. so. much. time. nursing). And I have come to realize how I was letting a devotion “time” define my spirituality. Now that there is no set time, I can’t check it off my list. And it has been a good heart check for me.
My worship looks different. If I am honest, I did not spend a lot of time just worshipping the Lord before I had a baby. My son loves to be sung too. I want him to grow up knowing hymns, so I sing him a lot of hymns and worship songs. But one day I realized that I should be singing to the Lord, not just to my son. There have been many 3:00am or 4:00am worship sessions and it has been a really precious time of worshipping the Lord. It keeps my focus on heaven and what is important instead of on the crying baby.
My theology looks different. Theological concepts have gone from black and white to color. I am getting firsthand experience about what it looks like to long for the Word like a nursing babe. Or to have faith like a child. God is showing me much about Himself through motherhood.
My body looks different. Just go read this blog post. Blogger Becky Thompson says it way better than I ever could. Good stuff.
My marriage looks different. We have a huge responsibility now that we did not have before. It is time consuming and thought consuming. We have to work harder a being a team than we ever did before. We have to be careful that we do not let comparison eat away at our attitudes. It doesn’t matter who sleeps more or works more (Sorry, honey!). And if our plans get changed by our little one, we have to put aside our own comfort and our own well-being for that of our child. And as hard as it is, I think it is making our marriage stronger as learn more about each other in these new roles.
My mothering looks different. There are so many things that I said I would never do, that I now do on a daily basis! (e.g. using a white noise machine! Again, sorry, honey!) It is humbling to realize that you were wrong and that seems to happen to me frequently now that our baby has arrived. The Lord has used motherhood to humble me and shape me to be more like Him.
Motherhood has been hard. But I would not trade it for anything. My whole world looks different, but I am thankful. Motherhood has helped me see what is in my heart and to better understand the truth of the Gospel.
God sent His precious Son to save us. He chose us to be His children. And He uses motherhood and fatherhood to depict what wonderful things He has done for us.
(And the baby is still sleeping!!! )