Why That Post on Courtship is Fundamentally Flawed

What That Blog Post About Courting is Fundamentally Wrong

I am not one to stir up controversy. In fact, I purposely don’t write about hot topics on this blog because I don’t want to cause arguments – especially between Christians. That is just ugly. And usually it is not edifying.

However, I feel the need to write a response to this blog post on courtship that has been going around. It is with much prayer and thought that I write this. My goal is not to stir up strife, but to, Lord willing, challenge your thinking. My prayer is that you would be encouraged to thoughtfully examine this topic and to honor the Lord in your decisions.

I want to establish two things right off the bat:

1. Dating is not wrong.

2. Courtship is not wrong. 

The Bible does not give us rules for how you find a spouse. How you go about doing so is a Christian liberty. It is between you, your parents, your significant other, and the Lord to determine what you will do.

Yes, I included your parents in this list. Why? Because I think that that is the fundamental element that is missing from that article. And why the blog post bothered me so much.

The Bible doesn’t say anything about how to find a spouse, but it does give us principles to guide us in these areas.

1. Be pure. 1 Corinthians 6:18

2. Be holy. 1 Peter 1:16

3. Honor your parents. Exodus 20:12, Ephesians 6:1-3 

The blog post condemns having to ask a girl’s father for permission to date her. And I have a problem with that. I think that asking for permission is an issue of honoring the parents. Does this mean that you have to ask the parents to go to the school dance with a girl? No. Does this mean that there are not exceptions to the rule (e.g. the girl who is 40 and living on her own)? Of course not. But I believe that you can honor parents by asking their permission to pursue a relationship with their daughter.

There are so many things that I want to address from that blog post, but in an effort to keep this post somewhat short. I need to summarize. In the context of those three biblical principles, how do we go about finding a spouse?

  •  Be balanced - There are obviously extremes of dating and extremes of courtship. There are promiscuous daters and terribly controlling parents. But that is not reason to say that dating or courting is wrong. Whatever you choose to do, it is about being balanced. Understand that your convictions are not everyone else’s convictions. It takes finesse to navigate the gray area of dating/courting. Have the realization that there are no hard and fast rules and that people are going to have different opinions.
  • Be respectful. Honestly, if a young man is not willing to honor a young woman’s parents, I think there is a problem. There are going to be unreasonable parents, but God even uses unreasonable parents to accomplish His means. He puts parents in our lives to guide us.
  • Be pure. One of the author’s whole points of the article is that dating multiple people helps you from being emotionally and physically pure. It is not the method of finding a spouse that helps you be pure, it is your heart. Honor the Lord, resist temptation. No matter how you go about choosing your spouse.
  • Be intentional. Do I think that going out with multiple guys is wrong? No way! But I do think that we need to be intentional. There is nothing wrong with dating with the intent to marry. Isn’t that why we date? But we do need to remember to be balanced. We are not going to necessarily marry the first guy we go out with.

I am happily married to the first guy I dated. He asked my dad for permission to pursue a relationship with me. We had a mixture of courting (kind of) at first and dating later. But this does not mean that this is the way that things have to be.

God is bigger than dating and courting. He uses all kinds of means to accomplish His purposes. He can use strict parents, courting, marrying the first guy you go out with, dating, heartbreak, joy, difficulties, and triumphs all to His glory. He redeems mistakes and makes all things new. It is not about how you find a spouse, but how you honor the Lord in finding a spouse.

Can I get an amen?!

 


Breaking In

Breaking in a horse

Today I am blogging over at The Quiet Place! Join me over there as I write about this month’s theme “Beauty in the Brokenness.”

As a side note, I am wondering what blogs do you read for spiritual edification? I would love to check them out!

Have a blessed Tuesday!

 


titus2review: Influenster Box

New Hampshire          For more pictures of our trip, follow me on Instagram.

This past week I have been a bit MIA. My husband and I went to New Hampshire to visit his parents. We had a lot of fun catching up with them and touring New England.

But I am excited to be back in the blogging world! And with a new blog layout! I would love to hear your thoughts on the new layout! Bear with me as I tweak it a bit over the next couple of weeks.

One of the fun things about blogging has been starting to review products. I am part of a network called Influenster that sends you products to review. It is so fun to get to test out things that you might not have tried otherwise. I received Hawaiian Tropic’s After Sun Lotion, Sinful Colors nail polish, First Aid Shot, Covergirl Bombshell mascara, and a Jamba Juice smoothie coupon (that I lost when we were moving!)

Influenster Box Review

Hawaiian Tropic After Sun Lotion: 

I used this just recently after going to the beach. It smelled really pleasant and was not sticky at all like some of the aloe vera gels. It wasn’t as cooling, but still felt refreshing. I wasn’t sunburned so I don’t know if it would work for a sunburn. But it was a nice product to use after a day in the sun.

Sinful Color’s Nail Polish: 

The color I received was not my favorite. On my redheaded friend, the color was a beautiful mint color. But on my skin tone it just looked like a nasty shade of green. I was turned off mostly because of the color. I would be interested to try a different shade.

First Aid Shot: 

I posted on my Instagram about this product. I had been up all night with horrible cramps. I had already tried taking the usual pain relief medication. But nothing was working. Finally, in the morning, I decide to take this. It tasted awful, awful, awful. But it really worked! I was amazed out how quick it kicked in and how much better I felt. It was worth the awful taste to feel so much better!

Covergirl Bombshell Mascara:

I never expected to really like a product that I got for free. I have tried hundreds of mascaras and never have found one that I really like. But I really love this one! It is not clumpy at all and it really does a good job of darkening and lengthening your eyelashes. At first, I was pretty annoyed that it was a two step process. But it is worth it for the results. I am very pleased with this mascara! Hopefully it comes in water proof though!

Where to purchase these products:

Hawaiian Tropic Silk Hydration Lotion 

First Aid Shot Therapy

Sinful Colors in Song of Summer

Covergirl Bombshell Curvaceous Mascara

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8 Things I Would Like to Tell Every 18 Year Old

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  1. Do an internship - I understand that in college you might need to switch your major. You might realize that you hate your major and want to change. However, I think that if more people did internships there would be less major changing.  College is an expensive place to be figuring out what to do with your life. Doing an internship, you get a real life chance to see if you like that career path. Plus it looks great on a resume!
  2. Get a credit card - I have had a credit card for five years and I had student loans. Even so, I had a hard time leasing a car because I didn’t have enough established credit. Chances are in the next few years you will want to buy a car or rent an apartment. It’s hard to do so with no established credit. Get a student credit card (great interests rates and benefits) and start building your credit.
  3. Say yes to one date - Please, please give the guys at least once chance. There is no harm in one date. (Unless your parents say no dating at 18!!) Give them a shot. Your true love might look different than expected! Guys, please, please give it a shot and ask the girl out.
  4. Go on a missions trip - Your eyes will be opened when you experience a different culture and see the ministry needs out there. Studying for a semester abroad is excellent too.
  5. Listen to the news - It is our responsibility to be informed on what is going on in the world. I highly recommend Al Mohler’s The Briefing. It is world news from a Christian perspective.
  6. Get a discipler/mentor - Start meeting with someone that you respect and want to be like. We have a lot to learn from older, wiser people. They have already been through the things that we have. We need someone to challenge us, point out sin, and encourage godliness.
  7. Listen to your parents - Just because you are eighteen years old does not mean you have the right to stop listening to your parents. Especially if they are believers. The Lord put them in your life to give you guidance and wisdom.
  8. Get involved with church - The church is where you learn what your spiritual gifts are and where you like to serve. Get involved, even if it is just stacking chairs. Who knows you might even meet your soulmate! ;-)

 


5 Things to Pray for Your Husband

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  1. Pray for wisdom. James 1:5. Your husband is responsible for leading your family. His is accountable before the Lord for your family’s physical and spiritual well-being. Pray that he would have wisdom to make godly decisions and to lead his family in the ways of the Lord.
  2. Pray for his faithfulness.  Proverbs 28:20. Your hubby has a lot of responsibilities: work, parenting, ministry, being a husband, etc. Pray that the Lord would help him to be faithful in his responsibility and sacrificial in his time.
  3. Pray for his purity. Matthew 26:41. Temptation bombards your husband from all directions. Pray that he would be pure in mind and motivation.
  4. Pray that his love for the Lord would deepen.  Luke 10:27. Most important in your husband’s relationship with the Lord. Pray that his relationship with the Lord would be dynamic and that his love for the Lord is continually increasing.
  5. Pray for joy in the Lord. Romans 12:12. Life is hard. Pray that he would have true and lasting joy in the Lord, a joy that is unshakable and based upon God’s promises.

These prayer requests are good for future spouses as well. Whether married or hoping to be married, let us pray for our (someday) spouses!

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